I was being sold to a woman named Tish by another woman called mom.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Marriage is something I do not see in the next five years. As long as the mighty conqueror can still stand on its own, the banner of singlehood will e’r remain. But if you're biologically attached to a person (to whom which I will refer to as mom from this point forward), you can never argue. You argue, you're dead. You don't, you're still dead. Either way, she wins. You see, my mom’s getting old. Or so she thinks. To her, part of getting old is probably the fear of not getting to see her son’s future kids, which is probably why this person I am starting to doubt to be as my mom is getting all excited every time she would see someone she likes.

So while she was on her way to Cebu for a vacation, she met this girl – a flight attendant named Tish. And since my mom is a cam-whore (sorry for the lack of a better term), the mother took this picture. Yes, she’s pretty, skin’s as radiant as my armpits, and looks mabango. She looks like she can even wash my underwear, do the dishes, and cook food attend to my personal “needs”. No doubt she’s a woman every perverted guy can ever dream of. Please agree.

Gold-digging the person I call “brother”

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Since he was born, I pretty much hated my brother for all sorts of things – clothes, toys, food, even the attention he gets from the gerls. But since he went to the States, I do admit that I miss that SOB. This may sound so gay but I do love my brother. Fact is I love him even more…

…because he’s fu**ing earning much more than I do and he’s so cool that he gave me something that I can use for work and for watching adult entertainment. Dude, if you’re reading this, I’m not trying to sell you. I wanted to but, hey, you’re there and probably you’ve been sold to some rich MILF. But seriously, thank you.

Of Lingam massage and the fact that I am here in Cebu

Sunday, August 22, 2010

First and foremost, I would like to apologize for the absence of new posts in recent months. I know some of you (and you know who you are) who’ve been f**king persistent in encouraging me to write. Mind you. You were really getting into my nerves but being a father is much tougher than expected. Kidding. Mom, I did not get someone pregnant. Well, at least, not that I know of.

But seriously, I realized that I got too embroiled on a lot of crap that I haven't been able to pursue my blogging interest (if there is any) for four months. I was busy looking for another job, found one as a software engineer, and then relocated in Cebu.

The idea that Cebu is now the place I call home should sink in by now. Adapting to this place – the people, the traffic, and the cost of living – was relatively easy although getting used to the sharp inflection and intonation of the Cebuanos wasn’t. However, familiarity to the words “lingam” and “massage parlors with extra service” and knowing what they actually do inside are some of the things I have come to understand especially from where I am living right now in Cebu.

On the flip side, my social network is roughly dependent on how many times I can go out in a week and how many times I can make my friends get drunk. I still have a handful of friends that I know of by their first names. Hell, I do not even know my room mates. But what I do know is that one of them is gay. Well, as long as he does not f*ck things up, I’m cool.

Well, anyway, that being said, if you’re in Cebu and if we happen to bump into each other in Ayala, SM, Larsian, Mango Square or perhaps in a lingam massage parlor, sneak up on me and we’ll figure things out…hopefully.

Why April remains to be Epic?

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

It's because summer is not yet over. And because my feet always itch for long summer trips. And because I have other friends who drooled over my pictures from Kawasan Falls and Moalboal White Beach. And because they wanted to go there reeeaaal bad.

So last weekend, I went back to Kawasan Falls and Moalboal White Beach together with some of my student assistants and other friends. See, we never had any vacation or anything as a group other than seeing each other at work. It was a long overdue request from them to have something like a group bakasyon and so, instead of resting last weekend, off we went. And too bad some of them weren't able to come. Next time, children. And because we had this thing called camera with us, you'll see a lot of pictures pictures -- say for bragging rights and for posterity's sake again. Right.


Epic April and the Kuripot Travelers

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

I'm not yet ready to say goodbye to my summer. Come to think of it, mine just started in Siquijor two weeks ago. And to make the most out of the long weekend last week, the group decided to go for another short vacation in Cebu. And so, I got my things packed minus the underwear. Yes, I left mine, thank you. Nice. Anyway, the excerpts from my adventure.

Getting to Liloan, Santander

Together with Kim, Irish, Chris, and Chris Vincent, we took a Php10.00 multicab ride from Dumaguete to the port of Sibulan to catch the 8:30 pump boat going to Liloan, Cebu. The sea was favorable and the pump boat took 30 minutes to reach Liloan.

Pebble Beach Resort, Santander, Liloan, Cebu

The group decided to stay in Santander till lunch. Irish suggested to stay in Pebble Beach Resort for a while. And so, we did. From Liloan Port, walking to Pebble Beach Resort took only 10 minutes. Entrance Fee is Php10.00.

There's really nothing much to see in Pebble Beach Resort aside from the fisher folks who occasionally pass by and as the name implies, pebbles. If you're searching for white sand, go somewhere else (and I will lead you there later). I suggest you stay in the neighboring Bongga Villa Beach Resort, where Ate Ginggay was staying during the time we were in Pebble Beach.

Next stop was Kawasan but we had to ride the bus going to Badian in Bato. From Liloan, we took a Php9.00 bus ride going to the next town, Bato.

Bato to Badian, Cebu

From Oslob, Bato, we took a 45-minute bus trip going to the small town of Badian where Kawasan Falls is located. Along the highway is the Sto. Tomas de Villanueva Parish Church. From there, we took a 15-minute hike to reach Kawasan Falls. Don't get tourist guides who will approach you. Trust me. You will not get lost. Just follow the streams of tourists walking along the trail.

Kawasan Falls, Badian, Cebu

Finally, we reached Kawasan Falls and we needed to catch a dip in its cold water after traveling. Entrance to the falls is only Php10.00. For children below 7 years old, entrance fee is FREE but I wonder how they can identify a child to be below 7 years old.

From the highway, it took a 15-minute hike to reach the first falls. Among the three falls in Kawasan, the first falls is the most crowded since this is the biggest of the three. Tourists can ride the raft, which is for rent, and stay in a small cave below the falls. Rooms are provided for those who want to stay overnight. Surprisingly, they charge Php200.00 for those who want to stay overnight in their tents. Since our budget was limited, we decided to set camp in a nearby beach resort across the entrance to Kawasan falls, where you can set camp for FREE.

Matutinao Beach Promenade and Beach Park

If you're looking for a beach park with a swimming pool, nice accommodation, and a fancy restaurant, Matutinao Beach Promenade and Beach Park is not what you are looking for. The beach park only has few cottages where you can stay overnight. But the place has a cool mini-bar where you can enjoy videoke for Php5.00 per song.

Sidetrip: Moalboal White Beach Resort

We were about to go back to Dumaguete in the morning when we decided to go further up north to Moalboal White Beach. Chris Vincent went back to Dumaguete alone since she still has to go to work later in the afternoon. We waited for an hour for the bus going to Moalboal.

We reached the small town of Moalboal after 30 minutes. From the town proper, we took the habal-habal going to Moalboal White Beach, which is six kilometers away from the main highway. You can also rent a motorcycle for only 400 pesos for 24 hours if you want to explore the town a little more but I doubt there are other places to see other than the Moalboal White Beach.

Moalboal White Sand Beach is a long stretch of white sand beach comparable to Boracay minus the crowd and the expensive bars and restaurants. The beach has a number of beach resorts with entrance fees ranging from Php10.00 to Php15.00. Cottages are for rent ranging from Php200.00 to Php1,000.00. But again, we decided to stay in our tent.

You can see the island of Negros from its shoreline and if you're lucky, you can catch a glimpse of the nice sunset, too.

Tired, smelling, and hungry, we went back to Dumaguete at around three in the afternoon where another adventure awaits us.

In Search of Another Adventure

The group is planning a trip to Sumilon Island at the end of the month but I have my sights on Bohol. You're next. And this time, I'm bringing my underwear.

And the Numbers

• Multicab Fare (Dumaguete to Sibulan) Php10.00
• Pumpboat (Sibulan to Liloan) Php45.00
• Pebble Beach Resort Entrance Fee Php10.00
• Bus Fare (Liloan to Oslob, Bato) Php9.00
• Bus Fare (Oslob, Bato to Badian) Php20.00
• Entrance Fee (Kawasan Falls) Php10.00
• Bus Fare (Badian to Moalboal) Php16.00
• Habal-habal Fare (Highway to Moalboal White Sand Beach Php25.00
• Entrance Fee (Moalboal White Sand Beach) Php10.00
• Habal-habal Fare (Moalboal White Sand Beach to Town Proper) Php25.00
• Bus Fare (Moalboal going back to Oslob, Bato) Php52.00
• Pedicab Fare (Bato to Liloan Port) Php20.00
• Fast Craft (Liloan to Sibulan, Negros) Php65.00

Total: Php317.00

It was supposed to be holy but I am a peaceful person in nature. Really.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Despite its mystic beauty, aura of magic and its reputation for shamans and aswangs, we went to Siquijor to spend the Holy Week. We sailed from Dumaguete for about an hour and a half aboard Montenegro Lines.

We reached Siquijor, Siquijor during lunch time and upon arriving, I asked one of the locals where Jollibee is because the three of us were already hungry. Apparently, there is none. Not even a single branch of McDo or kahit Big Mak man lang. My first mistake. I know, right? Instead, we looked for a place to eat around St. Francis de Assisi Church and found one small carinderia where we met a local pedicab driver. I asked manong pedicab driver for the fare going to Salagdoong Beach and we came up with a reasonable price of Php300.00 (the charm still works at may asim pa rin ako) but then manong pedicab driver suggested to us to rent a motorcycle so that we can explore the whole island to our hearts' desire. He was even kind enough to let us borrow his map (since I left mine back home).

So with my pathfinder, Jronny – who never failed to look at the map to check if we were in the right track even if the signboards along the road said we were, and the photographer slash driver, Aljhun, we headed to Salagdoong Beach from the little town of Siquijor.

Along the way, the sights were absolutely breathtaking. From corn and rice fields to the crystal-clear waters around the island of Siquijor, hindi mo na kailangan ng gayuma (love potion) that other Siquijornons supposedly sell to make you fall in love with the place. You don’t need to. You don’t have to. The place itself is the gayuma.

We met Jronny’s friends along the way – one of them happens to be my student assistant at work before. They were in a bigger group – about ten of them or so. And, obviously, they were pretty much “well-sponsored” with food. I know because one of their bags was open. Mistake number two: Do not forget to bring food.

Finally, we reached Salagdoong Beach after an hour and a half of ass-pounding, sunburn-inducing road trip. Entrance fee to the resort is only Php10.00 plus Php15.00 parking fee for the motorcycle. For rent cottages are for Php100.00. There are also cottages for Php 1,200 a night – perfect for families who want stay overnight. You can also stay in their newly-built hotel. However, if you choose to stay in your own tents, camping fee is Php100.00.

So, ladies and gentlemen, for bragging purposes and for posterity’s sake, the pictures.

Expenses Summary:
• Boat fare (Dumaguete to Siquijor and vice-versa) – Php 218.00
• Terminal fee (Dumaguete) – Php 15.00
• Terminal fee (Siquijor) – Php14.00
• Motorcycle rent – Php 350.00 (for 24 hours)
• Gasoline – Php 52.00/liter
• Food in their restaurant – Php60.00 – Php180.00 (insanely expensive)

…but the experience is absolutely PRICELESS.

Surviving a Habitat for Humanity Community Project: the DOs and DON'Ts

Monday, March 8, 2010

So last Saturday, your most gracious yours truly volunteered for Habitat for Humanity’s Blitz Build project in Candau-ay, Dumaguete City.

The project was organized by the Dumaguete City Habitat for Humanity, Inc. with the assistance of local and international volunteers from different schools, churches, government units, business establishments, civic groups and ordinary individual volunteers.

Local and international individual volunteers.
Photo courtesy of Dumaguete City Habitat for Humanity, Inc.

Volunteers were assigned to different houses: students from Kwansei Gakun University in Japan, together with Professor Nobu Imaizumi, were assigned to probably two or three houses; Teletech was assigned to another house; Silliman Medical Center Foundation, Inc. was assigned to another house; and finally, ten local and international individual volunteers were assigned to another house.

It was truly a humbling experience but nobody said it's easy. Damn right it isn’t. So here are some things you need to know before volunteering yourself:

1. Deodorant. Put lots of it. Better if you bring it along with you and share it with the carpenters and other volunteers who may forget that when we sweat, we stink. Remember that sharing is good.

2. Water is essential in building a home. Cement needs it. So does your body. You’ll be sweating A LOT. And by this, I really mean A LOT. So bring along a bottle of water. Preferably potable water.

3. Know where the site is. Know it well. Do not worship me for I did not follow this. You will pretty much end up asking for directions from other people if you do not know the exact location of the project site. Lesson learned from yours truly.

4. Gear up and not dress up. You’re not going to the mall. Plunging necklines for the women, in as much as we want to, is not a good idea. Work clothes, my dear. Loose pants, comfortable shirt, sunglass, gloves, and a hat.

5. Food. Although lunch will be provided on site for independent volunteers, you are not going to a feeding program. Bring your own food, if you want.

So there, ladies and gentlemen, five things you need to know to survive a Habitat for Humanity community project. Enjoy the experience as much as I did!

Face Value Guaranteeing in the Election

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Our print shop is now offering election campaign materials for politicians and would-be politicians. Services include flyer/tarpaulin layout and printing all complete with dimple installation, complete facial overhaul, digital pimple removal, youth restoration, and a blemish-free face guaranteed to glow minus the chin-chan-su.

However, depend solely not on these materials to yield votes. Your chances in winning in the upcoming election also depend on your sleazy campaign jingles, other voters' stupidity, paawa effect in TV advertisements, living under the shadows of your parents’ greatness, black propaganda, necromancy, empty promises, dependency on people with dwarfism, and flying voters guided by one frustrated pilot.

Forget not, my dear, that face value can help regardless of the presence or the absence of it. If by any chance you are able to comprehend what I am saying, contact Davao Deseret Graphics at dvodeseretgrafix@gmail.com or text us at 0920-8418033.

Last night, I was alone, played with it and found it dripping wet.

Monday, February 22, 2010

I slide my finger deep within your crevices, slowly filling every inch of your existence. I close my eyes, feeling the wetness as your sweet juice run down my fingers, dripping with your warm, thick fluid.

I stop. I twist my finger and find your sweet spot.

"Crap, you're tight."

Globe subscriber wins a Gym Bag from Smart

Sunday, February 21, 2010

I’m not much of a Smart user; I’m not even a Smart subscriber except for their Smart Bro Plug-in modem (Thanks to Globe’s crappy Internet service) but that doesn’t mean I cannot get to enjoy their perks. During the first week of this month, I won a gym bag from Smart’s Twitter contest after commenting what services/products I admire most from Smart. Yesterday, Smart sent me the gym bag and here it is. Thanks to Abbie, Customer Service Planning & Development Officer and who also happens to be a blogger, and to Smart. Follow Smart in Twitter.

Call for Habitat for Humanity volunteers [Dumaguete]

Saturday, February 20, 2010

The Dumaguete City Habitat for Humanity Inc. needs 66 more volunteers from the Dumaguete community to take part in building ten houses in seven days in Candau-ay starting on March 6, 2010. Right now, the organization already has professional volunteers and 34 Japanese student-volunteers.

If you want to help, drag your ass and contact the Habitat office at (035) 225-4399 or email them at dgtehfh@gmail.com.

An inquisitive mind doesn't get “straight” answers all the time.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

This is just a quick rant on my Valentine weekend. I spent my weekend in Bohol and stayed in a cheap hotel where I got the chance to brush elbows with couples who also stayed in the same hotel and who were pretty much in the festive mood of lovemaking.

Normally, I don't care if I see two people showing and expressing their love and affection in public but shagging each other like cats in a hotel with rooms separated only by thin slabs of plywood definitely crosses the line between what is entertaining and what is scandalous. Sure. It was entertaining, at first. I mean, what are the odds of hearing two complete strangers squeal all for the glory of love? But squealing in the middle of the night – when other people are trying to get some sleep – you can’t blame me if I shove rags in their mouths, right?

Worse: After carefully listening, I heard two man voices from the other room. All ye who hath inquisitive minds, go figure!

Love knows no boundaries, so does being loveless on Valentine's Day.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Let’s face it. Valentines is not for everybody. It’s a reality, which I despondently accepted for most of the years in my life – thank you. But that doesn’t mean that Melai and Jason and the rest of their kind can get to celebrate this Valentines. Sure, you may not have someone in your life right now with whom you could spend nights playing sudoku or something else in the bedroom. Or you may not be the best looking guy/girl/neuter in your barrio. Or you may be too gay-ishly gay to ask someone out. But, let me tell you this. You can make the most out of your day doing something else.

If your friends will ask what your plans are for Valentines, go ahead and tell ‘em, “Have to go to Church in the morning, afternoon, and in the evening” or “I have a shitload of work to do the following day.” It’s a Sunday so come up with all sorts of lame Sunday excuses!

But you need not be sad or be jealous of other couple going out on a date HHWW pa-sway sway pa, taking advantage of the cover of night, lurking in the darkness doing something else. I mean, these are people who are too busy or who absolutely fail to see that every goddamn day should be a day to sweep their partners off their feet and spread them apart. Amen?

Listen. Go out. Arrange with your Dota friends for a camping in a café. Call one of your gay friends and ask him if he wants to go to the mall with you. Some of them become extra generous during Valentines, mind you. Be careful, though. Get in touch with your ex and make her realize that her life would not have been miserable if the two of you are still together. Eat. Drink. Be merry. Stalk? For the love of God, just do anything and drag your ass out of your filthy room!

So, dude, wipe away your tears. Raise your head up high. Smile. Tell everybody you’re single. Be proud! At least you can play ding-dong with Mary Palmer unconditionally.

A Battle of Wit and of Testicular Fortitude

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Sadly, our politics is now a matter of who will win the hearts, eyes, and ears of the people and not of that who will win the minds of the voters. Philippine voters, wake up! We do not need an entertainer or someone who knows how to sing or dance or make our hearts cry in the highest position in the government. We need someone who can ACT, and by that I mean someone who has the wit and the guts to do what is right for the entire country.

The key chain that speaks for myself.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

I was about to have my lunch two days when a guy from LBC was looking for me. I wasn't really expecting something from someone but I just had to accept the package and much to my surprise, it was a key chain from Patay Gutom.

I got this key chain after winning Patay Gutom's contest last December. So, for bragging purposes to those who never had any key chain in their miserable lives and perhaps for posterity's sake: Behold! The mighty key chain! Thank you, Patay Gutom.

The day I almost wanted to be a model was the day I spared mankind.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

There's nothing quite adorable than having her in Youtube -- good English eskels, fleezing personality, and a lot of Las Vegas guts for posting this. A classic online shenanigan this will be. For those interested, hurry and emel her.

UPDATE: Inday apparently deleted her bedyo in Youtube but fortunately someone uploaded a copy. Thanks, dude.

The Woman Who Cried Wolf

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

So bad-ass bad boy Jason Ivler was finally arrested after yesterday's raid by authorities and to be honest, I'm happy that the bastard's finally in their hands but at the same time disappointed why the bullets missed his head. It could have been a nice sight. Really. Kid, this is not Counter-Strike where you can re-spawn when you're dead! But I got to hand it to him, though. The kid's a total a*hole thinking he could elude the authorities by hiding in a sh*t hole inside their house. Nice thinking, kid. You mental or something?

And to her mother, Marlene Aguilar, who always acted like a crybaby in front of the media, nice work! You and your tears sure did make me pity you at first but because of yesterday, woman, you suck.

When it sticks, it sticks.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

"Nakaligo ka na ba sa dagat ng basura..
NagPasko ka na ba sa gitna ng kalsada

Yan ang tanong namin:Tunay ka bang isa sa amin?
Nalaman mo na bang mapagaaral ka nya

Tutulungan tayo para magkatrabaho
At ang kanyang plano ay magkabahay tayo

si villar ang tunay na mahirap

si villar ang tunay na may malasakit
si villar ang may kakayahan
at gumawa ng sariling pangalan

si manny villar ang magtatapos ng ating kahirapan."

This blasted song's stuck in my head and, now, even my senile neighbor's singing it. FFUUUUUU and more FFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU.

Overrated Visions of a Blind Seer

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Oh hai there again, Villar! It seems you never fail to catch my attention with your plastic smile, robotic pose, ever glorious testicular fortitude and all. You see. I am starting to get pissed by your ads on TV. And God, even when I sleep, your campaign jingle is stuck in my head. You did a pretty good job!

And your promises. My. You seem to promise too much. Housing for every Filipino. But I'm not asking for a two-storey Alabang House nor additional traffic enforcers (Wait, you said police officers? K. Noted. But those ain't like police officers to me.)

Question remains: Do I want my country to be guided by a blind seer whose visions are overrated? Hell, no! Ang trapo mo, Villar!

If Rustom thinks he has the biggest transformation of all time, that retard should think again.

Monday, January 11, 2010

It’s finally twenty ten and a lot of my wishful thinker friends started their own resolutions slash plans slash whatever so I might as well join the bandwagon and start making my own. But then again, it got me thinking on what to do this year. I do not have plans. Do you? Do I need to have a long list of plans? You tell me. I don’t make plans simply because I know that at some point in time this year, I will not follow them at all -- which brings me to a conclusion why the hell am I writing this post.

It’s called free writing.

Anyway, so instead of writing a long list on what to do, what to expect, and other what-tos, let me just promise you one thing – the one thing I think I’ll be doing for the rest of the year; otherwise, I’ll end up like a hot air balloon inflated with nothing but hot air.

In this post, my friends, I am promising to myself a complete makeover – the one that will bring Rustom Padilla, who thinks he/she/it has the best transformation of all time, on his/her/its knees and whine. And no, idiot, I am not gay but it has something to do with the way I look. And hell, it’s not a facial reconstruction either.

I am assuming that you read one of my previous posts just as 2009 was about to end. Let’s just say that this year, I chose to remain a glutton. Yes, my dear. I’d be continuously stuffing my body with food. And I mean lots of it.

This year, I humbly proclaim to myself that I will be bigger – horizontally and vertically. This year, I will be different. This year, Rustom will go down. You hear me? You’re going down. And move over, fcking Jacob Black! (Gad! I hate that movie.)

Recently (and when I say “recently”, it means I wrote this post with a severe case of muscle sore), I enrolled in a gym with hopes that my body would increase in size (except that part which doesn’t need an increase of size anymore). I know it will not be easy. No pain, no gain – as they always say. So twenty ten, for the love of God, be gentle on me.

I thought I was the only one who can't sing but this made me think twice.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

So, guess who's bothering my primetime TV viewing? I don't care if these people were paid to sing but please! What the F?

UPDATE: An interesting find about Manny Villar. Thanks to Brian Ong for this one.

Look. I need this vacation. [Win a Free Boracay Vacation Package by WOW Philippines Travel Agency]

Saturday, January 2, 2010

WOW Philippines Travel Agency, Inc. is celebrating it's 5th year in business during July of 2010, and we would like you to have a chance to celebrate with us, so we have decided to give-away a FREE Boracay Package complete with 5 Star accommodations at the luxurious Le Soleil de Boracay Hotel on Boracay Island. The lucky winner will win the following Boracay vacation package.

Vacation Package Inclusions:

- 5 Days / 4 Nights Luxury 5 Star Accommodations at the Le Soleil de Boracay Hotel

- Flights to Boracay from Manila to Caticlan Airport on Philippine Airlines

- Island Transfers - Door-to-Door from Manila to the resort and back to Manila Domestic Airport

- Three (3) Meals each day, Breakfast, Lunch & Dinner

- Boracay Activities - Horseback Riding, Island Hopping, Glass Bottom Boat

- PLUS - 5,000 peso Spending Cash

Read More Information: http://www.boracay-packages.com

[Another shameless plug from yours truly.]